Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
