I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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