Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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