what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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