i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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