hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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