I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
