i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
