drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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