For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
