WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
