happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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