I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
