I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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