wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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