That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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