I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
