your room smells of hookers.
And success
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
