There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
