Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
