Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
