Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
