Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone came in the potted fern
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
