Michael Bay diarrhea
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
sex in a hospital.. check
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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