when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
