God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
