just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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