I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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