she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
