im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
