You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
