david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize