she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
