Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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