i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
