So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
