Your mouth is God's brothel.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
