either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
