I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
