like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
