Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
