I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
