First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
