We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize