Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
