I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
