My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
