Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
