just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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