My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize