I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
