I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
