I hope mine doesn't look like that
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize