I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
