apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
