I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
