hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize