so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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