I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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