Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
