You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
