Cold hands, warm shart.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
