i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
