I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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