I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
