Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
