if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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