So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
