cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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