I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're like the curious george of whores
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
