Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
