And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
