I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
