Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
