he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
