my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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