the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Randomize
