I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
