And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
