I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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