I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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