I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've blown a few things in my day
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
