I wish my penis had an off switch
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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