You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize