WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
