as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
bring money and cleavage
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
