Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
